Showing posts with label Stan Lee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stan Lee. Show all posts

Monday, January 28, 2019

"#Adulting" or "#Kidding"?

I don't feel like quoting Bill Maher, because that's like quoting from the court jester. His remarks on the reaction to the death of Stan Lee and subsequent follow-up to the public reaction to his reaction...It's all done in jest. His shots at Kevin Smith are also entirely in jest, since Smith is a funny cat in his own way. Both these clowns are for sale and not ashamed of it. They live quite well.


I'm more impressed with the eloquence of "Adulting", the essay by Maher that got the ball rolling. It's just three paragraphs. One page of notebook paper. And this essay will likely not be done in three. If Stan Lee's legacy is, according to Bill, that he created characters that appear in movies and put buns in theater seats, then the legacy of this "dumb culture" is that it kept big-budget movies in business. Quite an accomplishment from comic books being a medium born as a money-laundering front by gangsters shipping loads of booze, drugs & cash back-and-forth via a Canadian printing company.


If you've ever been keen to learn the history of the comic book "industry" and understand why it's got the social stigma that it has, then you're aware that the bulk of comic books in existence are trash. Bill Maher is right, but everyone hates it when he seems to be saying that adults should stop reading comic books because...the only people buying comics in the 21st century are adults. Kids and teenagers are more likely saving money to pay their phone bills. Adults are the only ones in the shops spending thirty or forty dollars a week buying comics until their piggy banks have been smashed, then the comic shops hope a new generation steps in to begin spending after the last one quits. This is not casual spending. The worst excesses of the medium that we saw in the 1990's - variant covers, crossovers, redundant characters, watered-down concepts, diluted brands, price increases, relaunches - keep popping up...because they still work. If there's any "good stuff" amongst that, well, that's nice, but the gimmicks keep the business afloat so that some good stuff can be found...you take what you can get, you read what you like, avoid the stuff you don't care about, know when to take a break, or know when to walk away. It's not going to get better if you collect 'em all. It's all junk. But it can be good junk.


The consumers who still hang in there? You'll find they're not buying as much.


In the past, Will Eisner tried passing off comic book illustration in technical terms as "Graphic Storytelling"...which would've taken off if he was actually any good at writing dialogue. I'm convinced Carl Barks was the only Golden Age-era cartoonist who knew how to write, but his work is marginalized because it's Donald Duck and Uncle Scrooge, which shouldn't make a difference in distinguishing it as excellent storytelling in the medium, but that's not an opinion shared by people only looking at the superhero books. If comic books are ever going to get respect as an art form (and it seems awfully late in the game to bother thinking about this...this is all bull $#!+ in it's own way - always has been), then any talk of it needed to be more democratic..and, unfortunately, that ship sailed a long time ago. There's a lot of trash disguised as treasure. It's been that way for over 80 years, so Bill's just repeating what everyone's mother used to say from under his smirking stance.


Regardless of what anyone thinks about the quality of comic books, I don't recall anyone who's ever read them say they wasted their time. But it was never an activity that people own up to doing with dignity, as it's stuck with the stigma of being the stuff of misguided adolescence...and adults who've become attached to it by habit. It's not going to be taken seriously. It can't be.


And there's always talk that it's almost over.


It's like the old saying: Even a broken clock can tell the correct time twice a day.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Mary Jane Watson: What Do WE Know?

If you're regarding the recent reveal that actress Zendaya Coleman had been cast as Mary Jane Watson in Spider-Man: Homecoming (or Michelle Jane Watson, but still "M.J." regardless) in terms of fidelity to the source material, then it probably is disappointing that Hollywood is still adverse to gingers..but Zendaya is an actress and glamorous model..and the Mary Jane Watson of the comics is an actress and glamorous model...she's as good a choice (perhaps a better casting choice) than the 2 actresses who preceded her (Kirsten Dunst and Shailene Woodley). And there's another thing to consider:

"Face it tiger, you hit the jackpot!"..is kind of a ridiculously corny thing a woman could say. The only actresses who could get away with saying that line just right - in all sincerity, without a trace of sarcasm or saccharine schmaltz - are Karen Gillan and Ellie Kemper, and they're not teenagers. Megan Fox could do it, because we've seen her play the M.J. all of you detractors think you want to see onscreen...in 4 Michael Bay movies (yes, I'm counting the TMNT movies). And I don't know if Bella Thorne could've delivered that line, either.

Past Spider-Man films tended to downplay M.J.'s personality to match the performance of their Spider-Man/Peter Parker. Dunst's M.J. could be noncommittal and fickle. Leaked dialogue for Woodley's deleted scenes appeared to portray Mary Jane as pragmatic and less of a party girl than the M.J. from Stan Lee and John Romita Sr.'s stories. In other words, she might've been characterized as having more in common with Peter, socially.

There's a superficial take on Mary Jane..and a more complex one. The superficial M.J. is...Megan Fox in a Transformers movie. I'm not going to waste words - if you want to see quintessential M.J. Watson, watch Megan Fox in the first 2 Transformers movies. That's Mary Jane in all but name only...yet lacking complexity.

The complex Mary Jane Watson is the one who became Peter's confidant..and eventually, his wife. She's the one who became the love of his life..first by staying by his side to help him with his grief after Gwen died. We haven't seen that M.J. depicted on film at all...maybe we will see Zendaya bring out that aspect of the character. That would be awesome.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Silver Dollars - Ducktales at 25 Part 3

In our last episode, I talked about free stickers and erased video tapes. And now, back to our story...

Season 2 (1989): Now Ducktales was going to be on a different TV station in New York - PIX11, and it would be part of an hour-long block with a new show, Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers. I've got to admit that by this time, I had seen all the episodes from the first season at least three times and was watching other stuff. There was a clone of Double Dare called Fun House, which I found more entertaining because it had more of a pace to it (Double Dare tended to be show host Mark Summers motormouths play-by-play on updated versions of rounds of ring toss, frankly), but it was knocked out of PIX11's Fall schedule to make way for the new "DisneyHour". Who was going to complain? New Ducktales episodes? Not me!

But come September, I was willing to skip the Monday afternoon premiere in favor of watching an episode of The Super Mario Brothers Super Show, which had premiered a week earlier. Big Mistake. The episode of SMBSH that aired that day was a clunker, so I switched over to see what was happening on Ducktales. The were showing the "Tralla La" episode. I couldn't believe what I had missed out on! It's even more of a big deal now, because the episode has been censored - a key scene where Fenton creates a rescue flare by lighting up a bottle of Scrooge's nerve tonic was deleted from future broadcasts. If the episode is ever released on DVD, I wonder if they'll show it complete and uncut...
Anyway, the heck with Mario, I went right back to watching Ducktales. Among the notable episodes from that season:

Tralla La: Scrooge has a breakdown from too much business. The antidote is a stay at an exotic faraway land where money and greed do not exist - until he gets there and Fenton makes the discarded bottle caps from Scrooge's nerve tonic the new currency. It wasn't until I actually read the Carl Barks comic that inspired it that I understood why Scrooge specifically choose to act like a squirrel in his "fugue state". Nervous breakdowns are heavy subject matter for a weekday afternoon cartoon. As the years went by, characters plagued by stress and anxiety become recurring themes in most of the Disney Afternoon toons (Scrooge and his "worry room", Dale's inferiority crises in Rescue Rangers, Pete and his "stress level" in Goof Troop, Lucky Piquel and Sgt. Grating in Bonkers, even Darkwing Duck suffered from stress about his public image and paranoia about being usurped by anyone offering a helping hand).

Allowance Day: I included this one because the "convince-someone-else-that-today-is-payday-and-realize-that-the-whole-world-was-fooled-and-you-have-to-move-the-clouds-to-reveal-an-eclipse-of-the-sun" theme was also used in an episode of Talespin. I think it worked better on Talespin, due to the handily established Thembrians and their politics, but act 3 of this episode (with Scrooge and Fenton facing a firing squad - the one sequence that plays out better than it did on the Talespin episode) is terrific, the stuff of old Golden Age Superman comics.

The Big Flub: this episode, in which Fenton tries to get a promotion in one of Scrooge's other companies, only to wind up creating a marketing campaign for Gyro's helium-infused bubble gum prototype that makes people float into the air before and after they've chewed it, is very, very Barksian . I don't know if there's a speciffic story that inspired it, but it does seem like one of Donald's blunders.

The Masked Mallard: One of the few episodes in which Scrooge saves the day entirley on his own. I don't know if this was one possible inspiration for Darkwing Duck, but I'm inclined to think the inspiration for Scrooge's pogo cane in the Ducktales NES video game came from here. The plot: Scrooge thinks dressing up as a superhero will result in good PR. Obviously he's never read Spider-Man comics.

Scrooge's Last Adventure: another story in which a clunky 1980s computer outperforms anything we have on the market today and tomorrow, as well as a new feature for Scrooge's cane that Capcom forgot to add in the video game. The Plot: Scrooge thinks he's dying and Fenton suggests downloading his fortune into a computer. The problem is that Fenton doesn't know how to work a computer! so, obviously the best way to retrieve the data (or electric assets) is the enter the computer, TRONstyle and catch the dollar signs with butterfly nets while evading Moby Glitch. Again, we have another episode that was recycled into a Talespin story, though this time both work well on their own terms.

Metal Attraction: Gyro builds a robot maid, Robotica, who develops a crush on Gizmoduck. When Giz turns her down, she instantly decides it must be because he's overworked protecting the money bin and seems preoccupied with Fenton's girlfriend Gandra Dee for some mysterious reason, so she set both of them in range of a handy guided missile and prepares to launch. This episode is the only one where Bubba, Tootsie, Fenton and Gizmoduck appear, but not together, save for a "family photo" highlighted in one scene.

Blue Collar Scrooge: Scrooge plans to sell a skateboard factory to Donald Trumpcard (I love puns!) but then, oh, the irony, he skids on a motorized skateboard then drops him into a lake and hits him on the head. Now suffering from amneisia, he loses his looks and ...gets a job at the skateboard factory and organizes a strike! Oh, and he also gets freash and cozy with Fenton's mother, Ma Crackshell, while her son is away impersonating Scrooge. If anyone wants to see a less avuncular Scrooge, this is the one to watch.

The Bride Wore Stripes: Ma Beagle is at it again, this time posing as Scrooge's wife to fool the Justice of The Peace into thinking they are married and get his fortune. Yep, another screwball comedy episode, notable for featuring none of the new characters and only the season 1 cast. This epsiode was given heavy rotation during reruns - instead of seeing "My Mother, The Psychic" "Attack of The Metal Mites" or "New Gizmokids on The Block", we would get this one, like finding a penny on the sidewalk. It's very good, but it appeared all the time.

The Unbreakable Bin: Another Carl Barks tale gets tweaked, actually this borrows bits from two stories featuring Magica De Spell, ("Bye, Bye, Money Bin" and "The Unsafe Safe") her only appearance in the later episodes, but they made it count. Her late entrance in the second act is a neat surprise, since I had not read the comic at that time. It would have been neat if SHE had been the main villain in "SuperDucktales" instead of Ma Beagle. Sure, it's the same actress in both parts, but the characters have different bags of tricks.

Yuppy Ducks: again and again, stress, allergies, anxiety, being replaced, pests - these themes pop up a lot in the Disney shows over and over. Scrooge gets "loot lice", lice with Beagle Boy masks and has to sealed in a plastic bubble at the hospital. Huey, Dewey, Bubba (remember him?) & Louie take over running the business before everyone remembers this is a violation of child labor laws (technically, that only applies if they were being exploited, but they did come off pretty dumb, here - Fenton's not around this time, so they can't blame him). The best scenes are of Scrooge at the free clinic - holey moley, the writers did their research!

Ducky Mountain High: Glomgold was another villain that got the short end of the deal (though not as much as Magica), appearing only in a handful of episodes, but kind of, sort became the main villain in the hodge podge "3rd Season". Seeing him compete with Scrooge in a scheme to get a plot of land from old flame Glittering Goldie is a lot of fun. I would've loved to have seen a character like Brigitta MacBridge appear as a semi-regular on the show, because whenever the writers tackled screwball comedy, they did it very well. Brigitta was created by Romano Scarpa to even out the number of female characters available - she's like a "nice" Millionaira Vanderbucks (from "'til Nephews Do Us Part"), the tycoon Scrooge almost married in the season 1 finale.

The Duck Who Knew Too Much:  It's The Fenton Crackshell Show as Fenton pretends to be sick so he can go on vacation with his girlfriend and avoid an assignment from the boss - but whaddyaknow, the assignment was to go to the same be he's having his vacation! Is this a Jetsons episode? More spy high jinks, plus there's a giant mechanical Praying Mantis (I guess Jon Peters produced this episode). This is one of several episodes where Fenton saves the day without the Gizmoduck suit, though he conveniently forgets in time for another episode in which he does it again. The highlight: Scrooge gets some screen time with Gandra Dee...waitaminute, doesn't she work for him too?

My Mother, The Psychic: Fenton and his mother deserved a spinoff - maybe that was the forerunner to Johnny Bravo? Fredericka Von Strangeduck appears in a cameo as the star of a daytime soap opera playing "Erica" (draw your own conclusions on what this is referring to) and gets psychic powers from a jolt on her TV. I think this was inspired by the urban legend about the couch potato who died of a heart attack while watching TV, but as he was being lifted onto a gurney, his hand smacked the TV screen and broke the glass. He was electrocuted and revived by his TV set! Anyway, Glomgold gets to play Goldfinger, only his mansion gets to be OddJob by hurling giant discus into space (what on Earth could that have been built for before this episode?).

Part 4 will be up soon - feel free to practice your Golf swing with a Pogo Stick while you wait...







Friday, May 11, 2012

Garfield, plus Spider-Man, minus Jon

Is it time? I like to time these posts just right...I'll time it with the box of movie tie-in cereal  I just bought. It was terrible, like stale Frankenberry. Oh, and Mr. Kellogg, Curt Conners is The Lizard, not The Green Lizard. Though judging by the teeny-tiny photo provided, he looks like what Killer Croc could look like.

The only thing that could top a new Spider-Man movie would be an Avengers movie, or a new Batman movie by Christopher Nolan. Both are out this year. So is that why the reaction to the new film with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone (as Gwen Stacey) is a bit "hm...okay."? What happened?

Well, we're getting a retelling of the origin. Do we need it? The 2002 film was loosely based on the Stan Lee/Steve Ditko original, but it also mish-mashed with/incorporated bits and bobs of Brian Michael Bendis' update from Ultimate Spider-Man. A brightly-colored spider bit Tobey on his hand as he tried to use the class trip as an excuse to get off the bench and reach first base with Mary Jane. Something new was added: Organic web shooters. No, that's not an exclusive kitchen gadget sold at Whole Foods, that means that Spidey's webs came out of his arm - his body could secrete spider silk, conveniently through his wrists and not his buttocks, like a real spider. You know, if Stan and Steve had spider silk emerge from Peter's buttocks, then Kim Kardashian would be cast as Spider-Woman. Yes, that is the train of thought I'm riding on - welcome aboard. I'll derail that train now.

Spider-Man's powers were that he gained the proportionate strength and reflexes of a spider - which meant that he didn't grow eight arms (though that happened later as a side-effect of an attempt to remove his powers), but he did have the ability to stick to surfaces voluntarily and also a psychic "Spider-Sense", which warned him of danger. Since he was not born with these powers, he is not considered a mutant. The spider silk that came from his arms was a manufactured  super-strong polymer he invented - along with the "web shooter" a touch-sensitive gadget that fires this compound like silly string. when fired, the webs are flexible enough for Spidey to manipulate it, sculpting into shapes like a club, glider wings, a shield, a sphere and even decoys. It hardens after a few minutes and dissolves completely after an hour. In Ultimate Spider-Man continuity, the formula for this compound was an unfinished project of Richard Parker, Peter's father, who was a scientist. In "classic" continuity, Richard and Mary Parker were S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents - it's not clear if Marvel ever tried a combination of the two approaches, but perhaps the upcoming film will. The cartoon spin-off of USM eschews the continuity of that book in favor of an idea hinted at - that all superhuman are drafted into becoming government agents and put into active duty.

When Raimi ditched the "mechanical web shooters" in favor of "organic web shooters", it launched a flame war on the Internet. Why? The big reason is that it takes away an important element of Peter Parker's character - his intelligence. Without that, or without something in its place, he can come off like a cipher. Stan and Steve opted to show how bright Peter was in a distinctive way - not some backyard project that he had been tinkering with, but an invention that he created for one purpose - to fight crime as Spider-Man. Raimi made Peter more lovestruck and less cerebral, so he came off as a sap. Regrettably, the comic books followed suit. Writers now create suspense by making you wonder if Spider-Man is going to be a patsy to another character's schemes in every new storyline. Raimi's decision created a ripple effect that changed Spidey's characterization. He reasoned that it was more realistic than "...creating a miracle polymer and not even think of selling it to 3M for a couple million bucks," yet very little about superhero comics is realistic. Consider how in X-Men comic Wolverine has always been the big  draw, while more-powerful characters like Storm, Jean Grey and even Iceman wind up sidelined in some way or other.

One choice Raimi made that made sense was to feature Mary Jane Watson as the main love interest in the series. This is because in the comics, she eventually became Peter's wife - and still is, if you're reading the Spider-Man newspaper strip. In the comic books, however, the marriage has been written out of continuity to allow for a more flexible status quo. (I'm staying out of that particular debate right now - that's an entry for another time)

Peter Parker's only had two love interests that could be considered serious - Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane. Gwen was killed-off in a memorable storyline in the late 70's. Writers often find her to be a more plausible love interest than M.J. and have been tempted to bring her back from the dead, first as a clone, then as part of new spin-off media tie-ins/retro-continuity. The past is a different country - they did things differently there. I'm sure if Gwen were still around, the writers would have the same problems that they have with M.J. or Aunt May - and they killed her off in 1994, bringing her back from the dead in 1998!

I actually dread seeing Dennis Leary as Captain George Stacey. The clips we saw in the trailer hint a leaden performance and some cliched, kitchen sink conflict/melodrama, yet in the comics, George was an likeable character - his death is actually technically more effective than the death of Gwen, whose final scenes were as a limp rag doll tossed around.

There's not much to be said about the Lizard beyond the "The Green Lizard" rubbing the rhubarb. He's a popular villain, but every story with him is usually the same. Oh, well, he gets his moment.

I recall Sam Raimi's idea for the 4th Spider-Man film would have been to feature The Sinister Six - just mad,mad,mad - but brilliantly mad! I think he wanted to show off that it could be done, since the most villains we've had in a superhero movie to date is four, if your counting the film tie-in to the 1966 Batman show with Sir Adam West. Speaking of Batman, I can't help but wonder who the heck is Joseph Gordon Levitt playing...he's eating up too much trailer footage to be anyone but the Riddler. Well, the trailer talks in riddles...

Oh, and  yellow eyes! The last time I saw this was the old Spider-Man cartoons of the past. Every idea gets used. Almost. I think a live-action Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends would work. Jennifer Lawrence or Emily Browning as Firestar, Ryan Gosling or Taylor Lautner as Iceman. Mr. Muggles (from Heroes) as Ms. Lion. Judi Dench as Aunt May. Megan Fox as Spider-Woman. Tobey Maguire as The Beetle. Flo Rida as The Hypno Hustler. John Slattery as Silvermane. Seth Macfarlane as the voice of Video Man.  Go for it!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Super-Poseable Action Figures Assemble!

I'm going to pretend I've never searched on the internet before. When I do that, I find that I have no clue what the Avengers is about. I think there's a follow-up on stuff from previous movies featuring these characters. There's Scarlett Johansson in tight pleather (check, and I do mean checked), The Thor guy (haven't seen that one yet), the Human Torch guy (haven't seen Captain America yet), the 3rd Hulk (well, I guess we really can avoid those two movies with him), Hawkeye (I saw Last of The Mohiccans), Nick Fury (star of many end-credit bonus scenes) and a lot of extra monsters left over from Wrath of The Titans (in this job market, one must not rest on their laurels). No sign of the Wasp, Ant-Man or Vision and Scarlet Witch (funny how an actress named Scarlett doesn't get to play that character) or Wonder Man, Beast (is Kelsey Grammer busy?), Spider-Man (well, there is a secret scene, but it's not much of a secret) and Spider-Woman (fingers crossed - maybe they squeezed Megan Fox in there).

As for Joss Wheddon - cross your fingers. This is really a big comeback for him after a number of mechanical    sci-fi duds (Firefly, Dollhouse). If you are a fan of those, my apologies. Those DVD boxed sets don't come cheap and are not casual spending, so more power to you. You're a real fan. Seriously, the only real forseeable weakness of the Avengers movie is that it could come off very mechanical and have nothing to say beyond, "Hey, we paid-off all those end-credit scenes, didn't we?"

One last observation: while the team line-up may look like a nod to the ebb and flow of the Avengers roster over the years and the plot outline may be a nod to Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's  issue #1 of the series,  it reminds me of  Alan Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen:

Mina Murray: Black Widow
Captain Nemo: Iron Man
Doctor Jekyll/Mister Hyde: Bruce Banner/Hulk
Allan Quartermain: Captain America
Invisible Man: Hawkeye  (a stretch? Maybe not...in recent years, Clint Barton had gone into hiding as Ronin after his supposed "death" - plus, they're wiseacres)

Well, we know the heroes will win in the end - because they have a Hulk...and a very relaxing luxury office, with a built-in, self-serve drinking bar.

Monday, December 19, 2011

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part 6

"Change..."

 A draft made the window blind slam the window with such a clatter, I had awakened  to see what was the matter. I had slept on the couch, fully-clothed and with cap, as if I had not taken a long winters nap.

I opened the window and shouted out into the streets, "What day is this?"

An old woman walking her toy dog replied, "huh?"

Never mind, I thought, returning to my couch. I found the remote, turned on the tv, searched the program guide, and what did I see?

December 23.

I had not missed it! Well, actually, I missed the 21st, which was the day the new books arrived at the comic shop, but that means I had not missed the 28th! There was time! Time to check for holiday sales and new comics, if any! And I will be looking forward to it this time! For this time, I know the spirits will have a surprise in store for me...

You see, that night I spent was not a mere fool's errand - I had made the universe of comics and the comic book marketplace a BETTER place. The spirits took stock of the error in their ways and change would trickle down from within.

And then they will come back. Not today right away, but in the days, months and years ahead, a new joy will be found in the now-happy medium, one built on solid entertainment, honesty, and care.

And Big Boobs, of course.

And as I joined the grinning old man wearing enormous sunglasses in riding with him in his Ferrari to enjoy the fine Burbank sunset that day, we shouted,

"Merry Christmas to all! Excelsior everyone!"


THE END 

Monday, December 5, 2011

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Pt. 1

It was a very unseasonably warm night in December. I had turned my home into a counting house - for counting comics. I was tweeting about how my doorbell looked like an old man wearing sunglasses. I was just about to tweet a joke about stoking the fireplace with an unread stack of Gen 13's and DV8's when I heard a clatter of chains and an eerie draft entered the livingroom. The draft had the smell of browned comic book pages and Old Spice...an apparition faded into view...

"A proton pack! A proton pack! My kingdom for a proton pack!," I howled.

"Face front and at ease, true believer."

I realized who I was looking at, or who the apparition had taken the form of - Stan. Stan "The Man". He was covered with mildewed patches labeled, "Pow", "Stan Lee Media", "The Governator", "Ravage 2009", "Stripperella", "Just Imagine", "NFL Superpro", "The 7th Portal", "Lightspeed", and "Mosaic".

"Do you remember how I looked when I was young and looked like Bea Arthur's husband on Maude?"

"Yes, I do. You know, if you were to watch that show and Jon Pertwee's Doctor Who back-to-back, you wouldn't know the difference."

"Hmmph...Odin will get you for that one, effendi."

"You think I'm hindu?"

"It's just an expression."

"Oh, sorry. Go right ahead."

"Do you remember when I presided over the wedding of Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson at Shea Stadium and wished them a long and happy marriage?"

"Oh, yeah, sure - and when that marriage ended, you said that 'change is good' or something or other...who lives to keep track of quotes, anyway?"

"Silence!...Do you remember when I hosted Who Wants To Be A Superhero?"

"Yes,...all those poor, deluded, misguided fools..."

"That's enough! Listen - I'm here to warn you! You are doomed into wearing more patches than I! You may even end up as something much more horrendous - an Autopen!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"You will be visited tonight by three spirits. Listen to them, learn from them - or you may wind up trolling the halls of  next year's Comic Con in ill-fitting karate gi and claiming to be a Jedi Knight." 

"You can tear up my ticket right now."

"Oh, no, just wait...wait for them. Believe that, true believer. Believe that."

"Isn't there anything you could teach me?"

"Stay away from Brand Ecch. Excelsior!"

He faded away...

To be continued...