The Magrs Method of Book Reporting: "Spider-Man: The Darkest Hours" by Jim Butcher

Encapsulate the plot of this book in one sentence?

Kinfolk of Morlun - Spider-Man's deceased vampiric foe - have arrived in New York City to avenge their dead brother and have Spidey in their sights.

When and where did you get this book?

I saw a mass-market paperback edition in a comic shop and checked the public library to see if they had a copy, because of the author involved. They did. So I borrowed it from the library.

What year or edition?

2006 Trade Paperback. First edition. Larger size, easy-to-read print. Perfect.

Did you finish it?

I almost bailed out when I realized Butcher had written a direct sequel to a story arc from a time in Spider-Man continuity - when J. Michael Straczyinski was writing Amazing Spider-Man - that I'm not a fan of. Thankfully,  Butcher has his own voice and provides all the backstory you need in entertaining ways, so the book is accessible.

What's your verdict?
Butcher gets Spider-Man - the characterization, the consistency of the street-level feel to his adventures and interactions with other characters,  which is surprisingly tricky, because a lot of comic book writers and artists often complained about the Spider-Man of this era: his marriage to Mary Jane Watson was considered a drawback,  but Butcher handles it far better than the comics did at that time. I would suggest Marvel have Butcher write Spider-Man comics sometime soon. He's that good. And that's what made me want to finish reading the book - it reminded me of why I used to follow Spider-Man's adventures closely. This was my Spider-Man: smart, resourceful,  clever, witty, cool and wise beyond his years.

What surprises did it hold - if any?

The book is narrated in the first-person by Spider-Man, which is interesting - it more closely captured the feel of the comics. Superhero prose novels are often narrated in third-person.  Also, the number of guest-stars in what feels like a simple adventure (it's Rio Bravo with Spider-Man, really): Black Cat, the Rhino, Doctor Strange - all in major supporting roles, but depicted casually, as being a normal part of Spider-Man's world, which they are, depending on whoever's writing for him.

Which scenes will stay with you? Which characters will stay with you?

Butcher's take on Felicia Hardy (The Black Cat) and The Rhino will stay in my head as fully-realized characters for the first time. Spidey's on-and-off relationship with Felicia was always the one that set off the most sparks (at one point, her character was considered as having more depth than DC Comics' Catwoman, who was more one-dimensional, until the latter character was fleshed out more and then Felicia's characterization became increasingly one-dimensional). And the Rhino, Doctor Strange and Wong - Strange's major domo - seem definitive here. Also, Mary Jane Watson Parker, wife of Spider-Man,  is given a fairer shake than the comics at that time (Marvel Editor-in-chief Joe Quesada had compromised  that character and Spider-Man badly with his edicts to end their marriage). However, in retrospect,  none of Peter Partner's romances ever seemed like a true meeting of the minds...maybe he should try a romance with Spider-Woman, or would that be too obvious?

One other surprise: the adventure never feels overblown or out-of-scale for Spider-Man.  Butcher is well aware that Morlun is a vampire in all but name only, and the only weakness of the book lies in the fact that Mortia and the Ancients seem like cardboard villains from Blade or Underworld, but that fault lies with the source material he's playing off.

What genre would you say it is?

Urban Fantasy-Adventure, though that seems to make it bigger, doesn't it?

Have you read anything else by this author?

Jim Butcher is best known for The Dresden Files series of novels, which I haven't read; they're usually twice as long and I'll have to check it out sometime to see if there's an installment that appeals to me.

Is it available today?

It might not be in print, but it's not hard to find.

Give me a good quote.

Sure - check out the scans below. As a bonus, I found a photo of cosplayer Soni Aralynn dressed as The Black Cat in a Spider-Man costume, a scene that does occur in the book! Did she know? Had she read it? I don't know, but it's a cool coincidence!

Moore Hot Dogs!

"Page 36/TRUMP 8 Panel 2. The Battle of Marathon (490 B.C.E) was a major victory for the Smurfs over the forces of Gargamel, and prevented him from conquering Oz and Wonderland."
- Jess Nevins, Annotations to The Black Dossier


There you have it. Solid evidence that Jess Nevins has gone mad from making sense out of Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. For the past decade, Jess has become the universal translator for every minute reference hidden in the panels and text of each installment of the series, and that reference/footnote in particular makes no sense whatsoever, yet it's on his webpage!

Anyway, I have to say I fell back in love with the League after a trial separation. When I picked up that premiere issue of the series back in the Fall of 1998, I really thought Sherlock Holmes was going to be in it. They have Mycroft in it, Professor Moriarty, Colonel Moran and a reenactment of the showdown in "The Final Problem"...there's even a couple of references to Mina Murray visiting Sherlock during his retirement, when he became a beekeeper (there are also hints that she might have found him very interesting or very dull, depending on what the postcards offered in The Black Dossier would have you believe - I suspect it's the former). Aside from these... bon-bonbonbons, I've seen little else.

There is proof that I'm not the only fan who was starving for some Sherlock-schlock - for a time, Moore had to answer over and over that Captain Nemo was NOT Sherlock Holmes in disguise. I didn't even think of that one! Anyway, something about volume 2 of the series - the second arc, which adapted H.G. Well's War of The Worlds within the context of the LOEG (or LXG, if you saw the movie with Sean Connery - Alan didn't, so be of good cheer if you didn't either) - it featured a made-up almanac that mapped-out the shape of the LOEG/LXG universe, even featuring nods to things that Alan and Kevin might never get around to, like Doctor Dolittle's post office, a young Auric Goldfinger searching for the lost city of El Dorado, The Hardy Boys, Zorro, Conan and Pogo - stuff like that. It also featured key continuity points, like introducing Orlando, Raffles and the Frankenstein monster as the royal consort to the queen of Toyland...stuff , like Mina and Allan Quatermain visiting the ruins of Dracula's castle and stuff  like Allan's rejuvenation in  Uganda. It bugged me that that was stuffed in that stuffy almanac. Obviously, they're being careful not to trip over copyright, but it made me feel as though the main arc of each mini-series was lacking...or just wasn't my cup of tea...or maybe I was just still stinging from not seeing Sherlock play a bigger role in it...or all of the above.

Of course, that's the genesis of that "Sherlock Edition" I posted a few weeks back. I had put together a reading list of pastiches - some good, some not so good, all worth a glance - offering a parallel timeline that explains his absence. I recall Roger Ebert, in his review of Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, remarking that Holmes was too quirky to mix well with James Bond-style shenanigans, but that never stopped anyone before... proper spy/sci-fi stories with Holmes would be things like "The Lion's Mane", "The Devil's Foot" and "His Last Bow" - all written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, of course. It's tempting to imagine the LXG/LOEG Sherlock sitting in a corner, playing his violin/puffing on his pipe/shooting up coke/leering at Irene Adler photos/whatever, playing armchair sleuth while Allan, Nemo and Mina do all the legwork, because he would feel his dignity compromised by engaging directly in that sort of thing, following them discreetly in disguise as nondescript beggars, crippled limping booksellers, clergymen, old dowagers, etc... just in case they need someone to bail them out - they usually did. Or imagine an ancient octogenarian Sherlock, kept alive through some deus ex machina (royal bee jelly?) to join a new incarnation of the league in the upcoming 2011 installment - yes, the opening of the next big arc is set to take place in 2011.

So I delayed from getting the Black Dossier, a compilation/sourcebook of sorts, often mistaken as volume 3, because it does feature a new adventure as a wraparound (not unlike those Looney Tunes movies from the 1980s that mixed old and new footage), but got it anyway when the price was right. It was a discounted hardcover copy, still in it's shrinkwrap, with the variant "Mina in bed" cover. I didn't know if I would like it - it's considered the one that draws the line - the one where fans either got off the train or stayed on for the rest of the ride. I liked it. I still have problems with Moore's prose work - it's so exact in it's execution that it's not engaging to people who are not fans of the various writing styles he's approximating. But I don't hate any of it. I realize I won't be buying a copy of Fanny Hill or P.G. Wodehouse's books any time soon, but I doubt John Cleland ever imagined Fanny being chased by a giant erect penis while running inside a giant vagina (you really have to read this thing to believe it - you can understand why DC Comics was increasingly unnerved by it and eventually turned chicken), nor do I think James Bond was the nasty guy Moore believes he was, or whom Ian Fleming meant for him to be, or that Jack Kerouac meant for Dr. Sax to be the grandson of Fu Manchu and Dean Moriarty the Professor's descendant (but then again, who can tell when reading Beat "literature"?). I'm not too crazy about the Golliwog (I don't really understand a word he says), but I like Orlando and have taken a liking to Mina and Allan - Next to Batgirl and Spider-Woman, Mina Murray is in my top 5 of cool female comic book characters. That fact that we have seen her nude often is merely coincidental.

 I'm surprised he didn't add Paddington Bear into the soup. He's been around since the late 50's. The dolls/toyline, by the way, were launched by the parents of Jeremy Clarkson! I'm surprised there wasn't a Top Gear reference in the current Century:2009 (more on that below).

I was patient when it came to following Century, the recent 3-part arc that launched Moore's new publishing relationship with Top Shelf (it happens that LOEG is the only property from the ABC lineup that Moore and O'Neill owned and can take anywhere - due to the contract signed in negotiations for the LXG feature film - it's much more clear than the contract they signed for the Watchmen comic book, obviously; this is what the outcome should have been for that property). Timing is everything. It took about four years for this arc to end - my interest came back when it was announced that the final chapter would be set in 2009. So I got the first two installments a few months ago and brought part 3 last week.

I was not disappointed. The 2009 chapter is, in my opinion, the best installment of the series. You may not have read it yet and heard all the hype (that Moore and O'Neil skewer J.K Rowling) but the big shock is...they really don't. The Harry Potter books are high-profile, but part of an even larger target - the lack of originality and banality in pop culture. Watered-down remakes, revamps, adaptations, ripoffs, retreads...this one seems a bit more personal than what came before - certainly not a book you would have ever seen with the DC logo, or their front, the ABC star that was used for all of Moore's comics. I'm not going to give away a thing, here - if you're not buying any comics this year, reconsider and check this one out and only this one.  Yes, you'll still need Jess Nivens' annotations to help spot all the in-jokes and nods, but they're not as myopic or obscure as before. The thesis here is that our fiction parallels fact - the ups and downs, everything.

One last thing - upon reading this comic (and the issues before it, including The Black Dossier), one can't  help but notice that Moore and O'Neill are offering something new to mainstream comics - No, not the fact that their stories have influenced the last decade of superhero team comic books, but something that is very obvious and yet, not so obvious...weiners. Graphic depictions and usage of  the devil's trumpet. Usually, superhero comics focus on "Good Girl Art"/cheesecake/Boobs, but here in the LOEG, you'll probably see more raw sausage (in their natural casings) then in Magic Mike (according to Sara Underwood, this film about male strippers only offers a glimpse of one "dawg" - in a pump...I have no interest whatsoever in confirming this). Aside from the Gargantua and Pantagruel sex scene/chase I described above, most of the weenies are of average size - thankfully none were shown in the 3D sections offered in the Dossier -  we would've sued for damages to our eyes.

I see Joey Chestnut won the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest again this year...

Garfield, plus Spider-Man, minus Jon

Is it time? I like to time these posts just right...I'll time it with the box of movie tie-in cereal  I just bought. It was terrible, like stale Frankenberry. Oh, and Mr. Kellogg, Curt Conners is The Lizard, not The Green Lizard. Though judging by the teeny-tiny photo provided, he looks like what Killer Croc could look like.

The only thing that could top a new Spider-Man movie would be an Avengers movie, or a new Batman movie by Christopher Nolan. Both are out this year. So is that why the reaction to the new film with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone (as Gwen Stacey) is a bit "hm...okay."? What happened?

Well, we're getting a retelling of the origin. Do we need it? The 2002 film was loosely based on the Stan Lee/Steve Ditko original, but it also mish-mashed with/incorporated bits and bobs of Brian Michael Bendis' update from Ultimate Spider-Man. A brightly-colored spider bit Tobey on his hand as he tried to use the class trip as an excuse to get off the bench and reach first base with Mary Jane. Something new was added: Organic web shooters. No, that's not an exclusive kitchen gadget sold at Whole Foods, that means that Spidey's webs came out of his arm - his body could secrete spider silk, conveniently through his wrists and not his buttocks, like a real spider. You know, if Stan and Steve had spider silk emerge from Peter's buttocks, then Kim Kardashian would be cast as Spider-Woman. Yes, that is the train of thought I'm riding on - welcome aboard. I'll derail that train now.

Spider-Man's powers were that he gained the proportionate strength and reflexes of a spider - which meant that he didn't grow eight arms (though that happened later as a side-effect of an attempt to remove his powers), but he did have the ability to stick to surfaces voluntarily and also a psychic "Spider-Sense", which warned him of danger. Since he was not born with these powers, he is not considered a mutant. The spider silk that came from his arms was a manufactured  super-strong polymer he invented - along with the "web shooter" a touch-sensitive gadget that fires this compound like silly string. when fired, the webs are flexible enough for Spidey to manipulate it, sculpting into shapes like a club, glider wings, a shield, a sphere and even decoys. It hardens after a few minutes and dissolves completely after an hour. In Ultimate Spider-Man continuity, the formula for this compound was an unfinished project of Richard Parker, Peter's father, who was a scientist. In "classic" continuity, Richard and Mary Parker were S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents - it's not clear if Marvel ever tried a combination of the two approaches, but perhaps the upcoming film will. The cartoon spin-off of USM eschews the continuity of that book in favor of an idea hinted at - that all superhuman are drafted into becoming government agents and put into active duty.

When Raimi ditched the "mechanical web shooters" in favor of "organic web shooters", it launched a flame war on the Internet. Why? The big reason is that it takes away an important element of Peter Parker's character - his intelligence. Without that, or without something in its place, he can come off like a cipher. Stan and Steve opted to show how bright Peter was in a distinctive way - not some backyard project that he had been tinkering with, but an invention that he created for one purpose - to fight crime as Spider-Man. Raimi made Peter more lovestruck and less cerebral, so he came off as a sap. Regrettably, the comic books followed suit. Writers now create suspense by making you wonder if Spider-Man is going to be a patsy to another character's schemes in every new storyline. Raimi's decision created a ripple effect that changed Spidey's characterization. He reasoned that it was more realistic than "...creating a miracle polymer and not even think of selling it to 3M for a couple million bucks," yet very little about superhero comics is realistic. Consider how in X-Men comic Wolverine has always been the big  draw, while more-powerful characters like Storm, Jean Grey and even Iceman wind up sidelined in some way or other.

One choice Raimi made that made sense was to feature Mary Jane Watson as the main love interest in the series. This is because in the comics, she eventually became Peter's wife - and still is, if you're reading the Spider-Man newspaper strip. In the comic books, however, the marriage has been written out of continuity to allow for a more flexible status quo. (I'm staying out of that particular debate right now - that's an entry for another time)

Peter Parker's only had two love interests that could be considered serious - Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane. Gwen was killed-off in a memorable storyline in the late 70's. Writers often find her to be a more plausible love interest than M.J. and have been tempted to bring her back from the dead, first as a clone, then as part of new spin-off media tie-ins/retro-continuity. The past is a different country - they did things differently there. I'm sure if Gwen were still around, the writers would have the same problems that they have with M.J. or Aunt May - and they killed her off in 1994, bringing her back from the dead in 1998!

I actually dread seeing Dennis Leary as Captain George Stacey. The clips we saw in the trailer hint a leaden performance and some cliched, kitchen sink conflict/melodrama, yet in the comics, George was an likeable character - his death is actually technically more effective than the death of Gwen, whose final scenes were as a limp rag doll tossed around.

There's not much to be said about the Lizard beyond the "The Green Lizard" rubbing the rhubarb. He's a popular villain, but every story with him is usually the same. Oh, well, he gets his moment.

I recall Sam Raimi's idea for the 4th Spider-Man film would have been to feature The Sinister Six - just mad,mad,mad - but brilliantly mad! I think he wanted to show off that it could be done, since the most villains we've had in a superhero movie to date is four, if your counting the film tie-in to the 1966 Batman show with Sir Adam West. Speaking of Batman, I can't help but wonder who the heck is Joseph Gordon Levitt playing...he's eating up too much trailer footage to be anyone but the Riddler. Well, the trailer talks in riddles...

Oh, and  yellow eyes! The last time I saw this was the old Spider-Man cartoons of the past. Every idea gets used. Almost. I think a live-action Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends would work. Jennifer Lawrence or Emily Browning as Firestar, Ryan Gosling or Taylor Lautner as Iceman. Mr. Muggles (from Heroes) as Ms. Lion. Judi Dench as Aunt May. Megan Fox as Spider-Woman. Tobey Maguire as The Beetle. Flo Rida as The Hypno Hustler. John Slattery as Silvermane. Seth Macfarlane as the voice of Video Man.  Go for it!

Super-Poseable Action Figures Assemble!

I'm going to pretend I've never searched on the internet before. When I do that, I find that I have no clue what the Avengers is about. I think there's a follow-up on stuff from previous movies featuring these characters. There's Scarlett Johansson in tight pleather (check, and I do mean checked), The Thor guy (haven't seen that one yet), the Human Torch guy (haven't seen Captain America yet), the 3rd Hulk (well, I guess we really can avoid those two movies with him), Hawkeye (I saw Last of The Mohiccans), Nick Fury (star of many end-credit bonus scenes) and a lot of extra monsters left over from Wrath of The Titans (in this job market, one must not rest on their laurels). No sign of the Wasp, Ant-Man or Vision and Scarlet Witch (funny how an actress named Scarlett doesn't get to play that character) or Wonder Man, Beast (is Kelsey Grammer busy?), Spider-Man (well, there is a secret scene, but it's not much of a secret) and Spider-Woman (fingers crossed - maybe they squeezed Megan Fox in there).

As for Joss Wheddon - cross your fingers. This is really a big comeback for him after a number of mechanical    sci-fi duds (Firefly, Dollhouse). If you are a fan of those, my apologies. Those DVD boxed sets don't come cheap and are not casual spending, so more power to you. You're a real fan. Seriously, the only real forseeable weakness of the Avengers movie is that it could come off very mechanical and have nothing to say beyond, "Hey, we paid-off all those end-credit scenes, didn't we?"

One last observation: while the team line-up may look like a nod to the ebb and flow of the Avengers roster over the years and the plot outline may be a nod to Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's  issue #1 of the series,  it reminds me of  Alan Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen:

Mina Murray: Black Widow
Captain Nemo: Iron Man
Doctor Jekyll/Mister Hyde: Bruce Banner/Hulk
Allan Quartermain: Captain America
Invisible Man: Hawkeye  (a stretch? Maybe not...in recent years, Clint Barton had gone into hiding as Ronin after his supposed "death" - plus, they're wiseacres)

Well, we know the heroes will win in the end - because they have a Hulk...and a very relaxing luxury office, with a built-in, self-serve drinking bar.

The Endgame Will Be Televised

Turning trash into treasure is one thing...how about turning an opportunity into a racket?

Long ago in a previous post, I had mentioned buying the first issue of Spider-Woman (late 70's series) for two bucks at a church show. This was in 1998, almost a decade before Jessica Drew got her big comeback when Brain Michael Bendis became writer of The Avengers. Suddenly, the price of the first issue shot up in value (though not as high as her 1st appearance in an issue of Marvel Spotlight). I recall Midtown Comics in NYC was selling the first issue for $60.00 at one point. In other shops, it earned its place on the "Please ask an employee" wall - where the prices are as high as their place on the wall. I was happy to own a gold nugget, even happier to get an autograph from Carmine Infantino - although, depending on who you're talking to, this actually lowers the value of the book. But we're not talking about money, are we?

 Oh, yes I am. Two months ago, I saw a rerun of Pawn Queens, a reality show, set in a pawn shop run by Minda Grabiec, Nikki Ruehl, Tom Brunzelle and Greg Holloway. The episode I saw featured a woman who had a collection of Spider-Woman comics and brought in the 1st issue to see if they were interested in  buying it from her. Minda (who looks a bit like Elizabeth Montgomery from Bewitched) wanted the book because she thought it would be a great prop to display in the store. Tom seemed reluctant, arguing that the book's value depended a lot on if the character appeared in a hit movie, since she was created so that Marvel could own the name "Spider-Woman". Nikki (who wasn't there, I'm just sticking her in because she reminds me of Sarah Michelle Gellar...with big boobs ) was busy elsewhere. Tom - and this is the part that got my radar antenna going - offered the collector ten dollars for it.

What do you think happened? Did she refuse? Did she say that Megan Fox signed on to play the role? Did she dust-off an old issue of Wizard from within her handbag from Jessie's comeback year?

Nah, she took the ten. And returned to the store to offer the second, third and fourth issues of the book for undisclosed amounts (possibly less).

Maybe Spider-Woman is a bad example, since I'm seeing issues offered for as low as a buck-fifty in shops lately. How about Amazing Fantasy #15? Spider-Man's grand entrance. Or the first issue of The Hulk by Stan and Jack? That was featured in an episode of FOX'S Buried Treasure.

The show is hosted by Leigh and Leslie Keno - middle-aged twins who resemble a wizened Zack and Cody, they're regulars on PBS'  Antiques Roadshow recieved humanitarian awards form President George W. Bush. (...confidentially...you didn't hear it from me, but gossip on the flea market circuit is VERY interesting...They Have Every Yard And Rallying Even Crying Right Out Of Kitchen Sinks). Their show, Buried Treasure, aired this past summer.


Anyway, the episode I saw showcased a collector who had those two comic books and an original animation cel from the Fleischer Brothers Superman cartoons.  And of course, the drama was that he was engaged and his girlfriend thought this hobby was silly -  not silly enough to not see the money in what he owned, but silly enough to feign ignorance as to the value and sit through the drama of whether or not they were being lowballed by offers made and if they could do better. It turned out the copies he had were not perfect - the Amazing Fantasy issue had some writing on the cover, the Hulk comic had some folds and bends along the spine (awww...look how they got their handy magnifying glass - no wonder fans and collectors complain so much when they buy a new comic and the employee ringing it up handles it like a throw pillow), but the item that had them drooling was the Superman cel. I think he kept that and let the dealers faces stay red. He did let go of the Amazing Fantasy comic, but kept the Hulk.

I enjoy seeing these collector endgames play out on the telly - it would be neat if they did a reality show set in a comic shop, where we'll see the owner buy out a guy's collection at ten cents an issue and watch employees go through the revolving door. Hopefully it will be a shop where the boss owns the building - the shops that last longer than three years usually do. Unless he finds he can make more money setting up a Starbucks or a Family Dollar - and that's the cliffhanger for the season finale! ;)

A Comic Book Rehab Thanksgiving - Issue #1

Ever try a Turducken? That's de-boned stuffed chicken stuffed into de-boned duck, stuffed into a de-boned turkey. I'm not so sure if it's good, or if, like the Chupacabra or Jeremy Clarkson's opinions, we're looking at a creature of myth, something in which sightings have been reported but not truly experienced. Duck meat is tough - just look at Scrooge McDuck - and despite most claims to the contrary, duck meat is not what you order when you want a briskly-paced dinner at a restaurant.

Forget about food, let's talk Comic Book Turduckens. We're talking concept turkeys that have been stuffed with other concepts - superheroes that make you think twice about even trying to read about once because they have totally unappealing and cluttered histories and seemed doomed to stink over and over - they've got their own duck meat in the middle.

Hawkman - This character has had more than one origin, more than one attempt at revamping and reconciling his origin, more than one secret identity, and more #1 issue relaunches than you would think.
First, he was Carter Hall, an archaeologist - lind of a low-rent Indiana Jones. He was in the Justice Society of the 40's and early 50's. In the 60's the concept was re-thought and replaced with Kator Hol, a space cop from the planet Thanagar, who fights crime in a winged outfit (just like Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon, but not as fun). The Winged Detective was a bit of a jerk and a social dud, but his wife was hot, and this incarnartion became the longest-lasting, if not the most entertaining of the lot. He's the one that appeared in The Superfriends, but he was on his best behavior there.

In the 80's Kator the space cop's background was sharply redefined, with Tim Truman's Hawkworld mini-series. But that story hit the big reset button and gave the character a clean slate - what to do with all that continuity from the past two-and-a-half decades? Imagine that the big bird guy in the Justice League was never there? Well, actually, they imagined that Carter Hall, the Indiana Jones Hawkman, was in the League in it's early days, and the jerk with the hot wife that was in your dad's Hawkman comics was a Thanagarian spy, leading up to the Invasion! storyline, which is as memorable as it is now forgotten by anyone under 32. In the 90's they decided to cop-out and came up with Hawkgod, an entity who was Hawkmen of  all Hawkman comics/appearances - seriously, though, this only makes sense if they didn't think anyone was actually reading the comics - and who was reading superhero comics during the collectors bubble in the 90's? Maybe they thought they were on to something.

Within the last decade, we've seen Carter Hall return as a one-and-only Hawkman, and the different origins/concepts/cock-ups co-ordinated  under a reincarnation gimmick that seems to settle issues of continuity with anyone still trying to read or follow his adventures - now if only he had any.

The Spectre - This character reminds me of Spawn, only he seemed to use his powers in more offbeat/interesting ways, but nobody seems to like his secret identity, Jim Corrigan, or if his adventures are too downbeat to want to read for any length, even though it seems to work for Daredevil . It doesn't help that the Spectre is now viewed as a corrupt pasasitic entity rather than a simple loveable, huggable anti-hero, if that is possible. (Kevin Levin11 in Ben10 is likeable, even if at the core he's a jerk and initially a mean sonuvabitch). The Spectre became a turducken when he became then-former Green Lantern, then-dead (they get better in comics) Hal Jordan, and later becoming Crispus Allen, a character from Batman: Gotham Central. So now they've got Green Lantern continuity and Batman continuity (and, in some ways, Spawn continuity) stuffed into a Spectre turkey. What you care to try it?

Supergirl and Power Girl - Superman's cousins became turduckens when their orgins were revamped to satisfy short-term thinking. In this case, it was that Superman (and only 1 Superman - sorry, Superboy)should be the sole survivor of the planet Krypton. Eventually, their origins were reintroduced and their status as Superman's cousins was reinstated, but it's very hard to shake off the turducken tag.

Spider-Woman - Mulitple incarnations, multiple origins (in the Jessica Drew's case, three different origins coincided with eachother and a fourth tried to make them all fit) - this is a turducken by proxy.

The Huntress - there are two incarnations of this character: one, Helena Wayne, is the daughter of Batman and Catwoman on Earth 2. The other is Helena Bertinelli, daughter of some mobster and too many Valerie Bertinelli t.v. movies. Most fans are divided on which incarnation they prefer, and despite a notable attempt to split the difference (in Batman: The Brave and The Bold, the character is seen wearing the Helena Wayne costume with the Bertinelli identity) she's an unevenly cooked turducken. I think her best moments came when she served as a Batgirl temp in the late 90s Batman comics, coinciding with Batgirl's appearances on television in The New Adventures of Batman and Superman.

The Punisher - He's been killed off, he's been brought back as a ghost, (de-boned chicken) given a change of ethnicity (he was curious {black}) killed again, appeared in three feature-length turkeys, (de-boned turkey) fought man monsters with giant boobs, made into a zombie (de-boned duck)... this turducken is still not done!

We're all lucky there is no known quantity of Tryptophan in duck meat, or we'd all drop dead. There's more, lots more, like Ghost Rider - but this isn't a personal turducken - we've all had our share of it sometime, but we don't have to try it. We can chose not to have any turduckens in comics, or at least, not sample them.

For this, I am truly thankful.

Now, excuse me while I get the popcorn, jelly beans, toast and pretzels ready...

Comicons with Holy water - Comic Book Rehab 4th #1 issue

By 2013, it will be a decade since attending a comic book show in a church.

I'm not sure why that is - if anyone out there knows of any shows/conventions in NYC set at churches, feel free to chime in. How about Temples? Mosques? Scientology Centers?

The last church show I attended was at 9th street and 9th avenue, at St. Paul Church, on the same block as my college, John Jay College of Criminal Justice (shameless alumni plug). Between 1999 and 2003, there were about 15 Big Apple Con shows held there before Big Apple moved to the Penn Plaza Pavilion across the street from Madison Square Garden - where it stayed until it became Wizard World Big Apple Con in 2009.  1998-2003 were my college years, so the juggling of the Saturday class schedules were the stuff of Blake Edwards movies. Sit in class, class ends, time for 'break', attend show, exit, attend another class, leave, go back to the show. Of course, anyone noticing the stamped hand would know what I was doing...

Anyway, back to religion. there was no holy water offered, or conversions. The shows were often held in the Basement - a very large basement. One time the show was rescheduled without anyone knowing and I wound up walking in on a ballroom dancing competition! I did notice that the space provided looked a lot brighter and cleaner when it's not jammed with tables and boxes of comics. I'm sure if this were a Blake Edwards film, I would've had to have made dancing shoes of my sensible sneakers and try a pasa doble wishing it was a quick step instead...

The first church show I attended was near Sullivan St. in the Village (aka NYU) and there was no basement for that one - they cleared out the benches and devoted the main space to just a few tables with only a few dealers and guests. It looked a bit like a Clean House yard sale caught in a dry spell. It was dark and stuffy in there, so the front doors were kept wide open, with the benches stacked on the sides, like the bleachers in the high school gym when they're cranked back in place against the walls. I bought a great copy of Spider-Woman #1 (this was in 1998, before Bendis made her seem like a big deal) for two bucks. I bought it because the idea of having an old comic from before my time in mint condition was cool. I really wanted to get an autograph from an inker (yeah, an inker - any name that appears in your comic collection showing up to a sigining can attract a mob of autograph hounds)...who didn't show up. I also bought some other comics from half-dollar bins - mostly early 90's stuff like Trencher, Next Wave, Troll - all never-read and brand new because they were kept finer than fine china. I was there for about 15 minutes - that record was broken after I attended a show at the Holiday Inn that I spoofed in the last entry.

Church shows are low-risk when it comes to spending for admission and finding/not finding what you're looking for. Are they a thing of the past? Are they being swallowed by a new generation of Big Comicon wannabes? Hard to tell. Are people still getting hand-stamped? Nowadays they use disposable bracelets that are color-coded for each day of the show's duration. When I went to the Brooklyn Lyceum in fall 2010 for King Con, I felt like I was walking into a church, but it turns out it used to be a public bath. Now THAT'S  a scene in a Blake Edwards film. :)

Be good everyone.