And Now...A Brief, Random Observation Related To Superman..

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace would've been a better film if it had the plot of Santa Claus: The Movie instead. 

Dudley Moore as Mr. Mxyzptlk, a merry-mischiefmaking imp from the 5th Dimension whose antics are always misunderstood, mistakenly identifies megalomaniacal toymaker Winslow "The Toyman" Schott - played by John Lithgow - as a beleaguered kindred spirit and offers his aid to provide Christmas toys to all the children of the world, not realizing Schott's true plans are for deadly toys stuffed in every stocking, along with exploding candy canes. Superman saves the day and saves Christmas by introducing Mxyzptlk to his annual Christmas tradition of answering children's letters to Santa Claus and delivering real gifts to everyone. 

I'm just thinking that would've been a jolly finale to Christopher Reeves stretch playing Superman..plus...this was more-or-less the plot that Alexander and Ilya Salkind had in mind for what would've been their 4th Superman, before opting to produce the Supergirl movie instead, followed by the big Santa Claus movie, which I like, but would've been potentially more interesting as a Superman film, I think. A Superman movie that focuses entirely on his acts of kindness, saving lives from spectacular disasters, advocacy for decency and good will...with flair.

Atypical from the other 3 films, but not ugly. Around the same time, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home was released and was a success, in spite of relatively few action scenes with no displays of onscreen violence. I'm not sure how good a sport Reeve would have been about it, but I can picture him in costume, tugging an enormous bag of toys up in the air, wearing a Santa hat, to the tune of Sheena Easton's "It's Christmas All Over The World Tonight"...

A Superman for Christmas. That would've been neat. Quite possibly the only time they could've pulled that off.

The Apocryphal Scrooge McDuck, Part 4

"Many is the book report that have been written by just reading the dust jacket"

- Linus Van Pelt in the TV special, Happy New Year, Charlie Brown!

I have reached the point in this series where I inevitably wind up highlighting books I don't own, but would like to have read, and would've owned if I had encountered them at any toy store/bookstore/dollar store/flea market/sidewalk book peddler table offering them. This means I unfortunately don't have a generous gallery to offer, or insightful snarky comments regarding key plot details, but my interest in these books remains piqued and they will be duly noted. As a bonus, I get to post another Christmas-themed essay! Ho ho ho/You didn't know/ Yo ho ho/ and a bottle of rum! ;)

The self-implied rule here is that I'm blogging about original Children's books featuring Scrooge McDuck as a member of the classic Disney stock players, be it as a primary character or guest-star, not Ducktales tie-in books, because I already wrote about Ducktales kid books in my Silver Dollars: Ducktales Anniversary series of posts, so why am I breaking the rule?...

...I didn't know Ducktales: Christmas At The North Pole existed, that's why. The book was part of Disney's "Wonderful World of Reading" mail-order book club series, which means only a faithful subscriber keeping up with his/her dues would've recieved this installment, rather than bailing out after receiving the umpteenth Alice in Wonderland or Cinderella. You would've also received the bizarre Disney Year Book, a Highlights for Children -esque book of stories mixed with anecdotal educational content featuring Disney characters.

The plot? Donald Duck, who is still in the Navy, is stationed at the North Pole and has invited Scrooge McDuck and Huey, Dewey and Louie to join him to celebrate Christmas. Mrs. Beakley, Webby, Duckworth and Launchpad get to come along, but  Launchpad drops the ball when he crashes the plane in a location that's vaguely North-ish. While McQuack makes repairs to the plane, the cast set up a campfire and fret about missing Christmas and Donald, but begin to perk up as they keep eachother entertained and attract the attention of local wildlife, who peacefully join in at the camp. Launchpad finishes the repairs and the gang is able to resume their trip. I  gather the point of this tale is that Christmas is a holiday that need not be celebrated in materialistic ways, nor can it be "ruined" if events don't work out as planned. Meanwhile, Donald was guzzing egg nog wondering why nobody showed up.

The 1980 Christmas tale, Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge McDuck!, looks interesting because it appears to suffer from a clash of art styles: it looks like Scrooge crashed the set of A Charlie Brown Christmas while dressed in an outfit he borrowed from Mister Magoo's wardrobe...I wonder what Ducktales would've looked like if it had been animated by DePatie-Freling Studios instead of TMS or Cuckoo's Nest...something like that cover, maybe?

The plot in this tale is that Scrooge refuses to give Donald an advance on his pay before Christmas, meaning Donald can't afford to buy presents for Huey, Dewey and Louie. There are two ways the plot of this book could go: 1) Donald enlists Mickey Mouse and Goofy's help in cobbling together four ghost costumes and they procede to scare Scrooge into having a change of heart and forking over some spare change; 2) Scrooge leaves work early and observes other people enjoying Christmas, even partaking in some holiday-themed pastimes (like a snowball fight, perchance?) then realizes how his nephews are missing out on the fun and has a change of heart. I'm going to guess the latter option, which sounds alright. After all, two visits with three spirits would be...goofy. ;)

I  hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and have a Happy New Year. And if you were visited by three spirits on Christmas Eve...you should've called the Ghostbusters. Happy Holidays! :)

Merry Christmas!

As with the last few holidays, I present to you another great gallery of festive fun and seasonal shenanigans across the pop culture populace. I find that the more people use their imagination to make the most of the holiday, the more exciting, fun & interestibg it is...Santa Claus can be whoever you want him to be, juat as a christmas tree can have any kind of ornaments you want it to have.

Enjoy...and have a very Merry Christmas! :)

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells...

Jingle bells
Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg...

The Batmobile lost it's wheel...
And the Joker got away!

The first time I had ever heard this parody of the lyrics to Jingle Bells was when Bart Simpson sang it in The Simpsons Christmas Special, back in 1989. There is no official "full" version of this song parody and the origins of it have a big Riddler-worthy question mark stamped on it; we only know that it emerged in the public consciousness in the mid-1960s, rather conveniently close to the premiere of the live-action Batman TV series starring Adam West. I suppose it could have been a product of the massive and aggressive campaign to promote the show before & during its first season - the so-called "Batmania"  that made the series a pop culture fad for its first two seasons. It wasn't until the 1990s Batman: The Animated Series episode "Christmas with The Joker", that it became official camp shorthand "Bat-speak" by having The Joker (voiced by Mark Hamill) sing it on the show, albeit as a missed opportunity; why didn't they create a definitive full version of the song right there? Oh well.

If anyone knows the truth about where this spoof came from, feel free to drop in with your comments. In the meantime,  I found some fun stuff to share, including three memes I made myself, appearing here for the first time. Enjoy!

In The Spirit For An Xmas Wedding

I had to jump out of the passenger side of Nick's car and land feet first in front of the courthouse steps as it hovered near a fire hydrant.

"Thanks for the lift. Central isn't exactly across the street from the carrier."

He laughed and gave me a thumbs up. "No problem. I'm sure Eb would've gotten you here even quicker - Duggan tells me that cab has booster rockets! And tell Colt the job is still open if he wants it!" He shut the door and took off as I rushed in.

***

The Groom was staring into a mirror in the Commissioner's office, adjusting his mask. I knocked on the door. He saw me through the mirror's reflection.

"The door's open!"

"Hi Denny. You're not wearing your black suit?"

"I don't wear a black suit."

"Right, right. So anyway, I'm glad I made it here in time to be the best man and all, filling in for Eb and such. Where's Sam and Blub?"

His mask secure, he began readjusting his tie. He must have been nervous. "Sam's on a new case with Tracy's kid, Junior - and he talked Eb into coming along...a trio of investigators...sheesh. And Blub is with the Curry's in Alaska, fighting winter zombies. By the way, Eb left his cab behind to serve as our chariot - you'll have to drive it, so that's three jobs I've got for you."

"Three?"

"Yeah - Dolan's doing the ceremony after we caught Mr. Carrion posing as Judge Kitchen. You'll need to give away the bride."

"Busy day?"

He smiled. "Eh..it's looking up. It looked like the bride would be late, but it turned out she found where we left the gown on her own and sent the message to Dolan through one of the bailiffs." Finished, he took one last look at himself. "..and something blue."

***

I couldn't see the bride under the heavy veil, but the gown was beautiful. It also had a very long train that I almost tripped over when I walked around from behind to take her hand.

The organist began to play the wedding march. As we slowly walked up the room, I took stock of how they decorated the area with loads of Christmas and Wedding-themed decor: pink bouquets, a white cake, a Christmas tree, a table full of gifts (I'm glad I remembered to bring something, although most of the gift boxes were the same size as what I had brought with me - a dreadful thought popped into my head)... Dolan stood at the center, with Denny to his left. I wonder what Dolan was going to say? Or did the Bride and Groom have vows prepared?

There were even two of Santa's helpers - though they looked kind of seedy: the first one was acting as an usher and didn't even fill out his suit; the second was slumped in a chair at a far corner with his gloved hands wrapped around a bottle of rot gut on his lap. He was out for the day.

I also took notice of the crowds in attendance: Family, friends and acquaintances of the Dolan family appeared on the Bride's side...the Groom's side was made up entirely of cops and crooks - the crooks in handcuffs, of course. Among that lot I recognized Satin, Wang, Boil, Cossack, Hussein, Lox, Carrion, Paris, Julia, Sand, P'Gell ... I think someones missing..

And then I almost tripped again! "I've got you," the Bride whispered. She did have a very good grip.

"Yeah, thanks," I whispered back.

And then she kept on whispering. She was talking to herself. "I've got you this time, Gainsborough, in front of everyone, now. There'll be no more cat-and-mouse games from here on."

Her grip was getting tighter, that's when I looked at her hand and notice the gloves she was wearing. They were purple with stripes on the back...purple, purple, purple...

***

It turned out this was going to be a very short ceremony. Neither side had anything to say and Dolan seemed keener on re-lighting his pipe.

"I left my matchbook in my desk, so if the Groom wouldn't mind putting the ring on her and getting on with it, so I can consider you kids married already.."

"Sure, sure, of course." Denny nervously nodded. His hands were shaking fierce as he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket ... and then became eerily clam as he smiled while he revealed a pair of handcuffs and slapped them on the wrists of his bride!

"Sorry, dear, but I'm afraid I've got cold feet to go with your cold hands." He lifted the veil. The face was familiar: white and blue complexion, with matching blue hair and makeup. Actually, there are three or four nasty women fitting that description, so I waited for Denny to say it. This event was cooling up.

"Louise Lincoln, it's been a pleasure." He reached inside his jacket again. "I believe you were looking for these?" He held up a set of gold wedding bands that revealed inscriptions that glowed and became legible when held up to the light. "The Tibetan Yeti Bands - believed to grant unknown power to the bearer of the ring, if I recall the legend correctly. I just thought they'd make good bait when I had this event advertised in the papers."

"What did she do to Ellen?" I asked.

Dolan laughed. "Who? Seriously, this event was advertised as the wedding of Thomas Gainsborough, here. There was no mention of the bride's name."

The purple gloves on Louise's hand began to change. First they began turning into a paler shade, then they formed a heavy coat of frost before crystallizing and shattering, exposing Lousie's free hands. Her handcuffs become useless when she froze them, breaking them off as well. She then froze Denny, Dolan and myself  and grabbed the bands off Denny's palm with ease. All we could do was watch.

"Just because the wedding's off doesn't mean the bride is obligated to give back the rings, Gainsborough! Watch this bride run away!" She turned and began to make her exit. All the crooks seated in the groom's aisle were cheering her, but didn't dare cross her path.

That's when Santa stepped in. "Where's your Christmas spirit? Is that why you're so blue?" He then grabbed the train of her gown and began to spin like a top, forming a tornado that reeled her in. She began using her powers to fight back, but the end result backfired.

Santa took off his suit and revealed another red suit, one with a familiar lightning bolt symbol stamped across his chest.

"Just when I thought I was going to have to pull one of my old tricks and dash for a present, Louise shows up to help me make a gift: an ice sculpture!"

He raced forward and used his powers to thaw out the three of us - generating heat by offering the ultimate pat-down. It would've been very awkward if it lasted longer than 2.5 seconds.

Denny thanked him by admiring his handiwork with Louise - currently serving as a wedding gown tornado preserved in her own ice. "What a pity we'll have to arrest this one and put it in the fridge right away. You do good work, Wally."

"Thanks. I love spending the holidays back home in Central. By the way, those gloves she was wearing..."

I jumped in. "I can answer that one. Those gloves are a big deal this year. I brought a set for you as a gag. And I noticed that drunk Santa wore a pair as well."

Denny's eyes widened. "Santa?" He turned to the corner. There was only an empty chair where the fat man once sat.

Denny looked a bit forlorn. "I missed him...Santa was here...and I missed him."

Wally tried to cheer him up. "Y'know, it might not be who you think it is...I mean, Bats' wore purple gloves, too."


The End

The Christmas Playlist

Christmas Specials for 2011:

1. How The Grinch Stole Christmas

2. A Charlie Brown Christmas

3. Mickey's Christmas Carol

4. The Simpsons Christmas Special

5. A Flintstone Family Christmas

6. Doctor Who: The Next Doctor

7. The Proud Family (this Kwanzaa special is the best episode of the series - never mind that the holiday has been debunked - the meaning comes through very clear, here)

8. Winnie The Pooh and Christmas Too

9. Bugs Bunny's Christmas Tales

10. Yogi's All-Star Comedy Christmas Caper - just for all of you to stare and compare with the movie Elf and see what I mean. Wally Gator cameo!

Christmas themed episodes:

1. Married with Children

2. Darkwing Duck "It's A Wonderful Leaf"

3. Merry Christmas, Doctor Who (this is actually an outtake that has Tom Baker, Mary Tamm and K9 getting frisky with liquor bottles waved around) "What do you desire most for Christmas, Doctor?", asks K9. And Tom immediately glances at Mary Tamm. :) It's an extra on The Armageddon Factor-special edition DVD and on YouTube

4. Family Guy "A Very Special freakin' Christmas"

5. American Dad

6. Batman - "Holiday Knights" and "Christmas With The Joker"

Christmas Movies

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

2. A Christmas Story

3. Santa Claus: The Movie

4. Love, Actually (actually, this is just one for the ladies - so that's where Garry Marshall gets his ideas!)

5. Home Alone

Merry ChrismaHanuKwanRam3Kings Eve Everyone!

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part 3 (Behind The Scenes)

Yes, Virginia, I do have deleted alternate scenes.

I had a different intro in mind for the ghost of Christmas present - then I realized that this was not Caitlin Fairchild, this was Abbey Chase in the bathtub from Danger Girl. So , I started over, but I kept this set-up. Enjoy!


I heard a noise in the bathroom. Water splashing...

My bathroom was no longer just a bathroom - it had become a luxurious, glamorous, magnificent marble and gold palatial bath, offering a 360 degree panorama of Aspen's mountains at sunset. This explosion of warm orange, amber and violet color made this palace rich and...where the heck am I?

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part 6

"Change..."

 A draft made the window blind slam the window with such a clatter, I had awakened  to see what was the matter. I had slept on the couch, fully-clothed and with cap, as if I had not taken a long winters nap.

I opened the window and shouted out into the streets, "What day is this?"

An old woman walking her toy dog replied, "huh?"

Never mind, I thought, returning to my couch. I found the remote, turned on the tv, searched the program guide, and what did I see?

December 23.

I had not missed it! Well, actually, I missed the 21st, which was the day the new books arrived at the comic shop, but that means I had not missed the 28th! There was time! Time to check for holiday sales and new comics, if any! And I will be looking forward to it this time! For this time, I know the spirits will have a surprise in store for me...

You see, that night I spent was not a mere fool's errand - I had made the universe of comics and the comic book marketplace a BETTER place. The spirits took stock of the error in their ways and change would trickle down from within.

And then they will come back. Not today right away, but in the days, months and years ahead, a new joy will be found in the now-happy medium, one built on solid entertainment, honesty, and care.

And Big Boobs, of course.

And as I joined the grinning old man wearing enormous sunglasses in riding with him in his Ferrari to enjoy the fine Burbank sunset that day, we shouted,

"Merry Christmas to all! Excelsior everyone!"


THE END 

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part 5

I felt something slithering across my feet - his cape! It had grown so long that it had flooded the floor like a red carpet - the corners of it crawled up and tied me up and lifted me off the floor and held me in the air, making direct eye contact with its host.

"Now, you will see what it feels like to be trapped in a world you never made!"

"Al?...go right ahead, but have you ever wondered why you never tried it before, or why you would need me to do it?"

He seemed to tilt his head just a bit, as if to pause and reflect on that question...it was hard to tell with that expressionless face what a brown study should look like.

"I don't have much time," he admitted, and held out his hand. An unusual rectangular object appeared out of thin air above his palm. It was his power chronometer - the eternal countdown/gauge that measured how much power he had spent, how much was left, and how much time he had left. It was unreadable to all but him. "There's so much I have not accomplished...so many things I should have done in the time I had and wasted...just wasted...marking time.

"I discovered a way to change my fate - by trading universes,  I won't have to endure this shallow status quo. I will change."

"It won't work. Your plan is built on a false premise. You think you're all out of time, but that's what you've been made to think, so that you think you can't go anywhere because of this pathetic weakness, and as a result of this, you've ALL become Brand ecch."

"No!"

His cape released me, and I landed on my feet. "No, it's true. You're blaming the faithful readership, chasing after a phantom demographic all these years - one that does not respect you. This plan of yours won't work because your energy does not exist in our world - your stuff is always the stuff of dreams - constructs of someone else's imagination - we think, therefore, you are."

"I'm doomed." His cape seemed to shrink back to a more standard size, his glowing green eyes dimmed, his body began to hide within the folds of the red cloak.

"No, you're not. You'll be fine, I'll be fine. But you know what you have to do. You and all the other spirits go back to where you belong and start the change from there. Change happens from within. AND I'M GIVING YOU JUST 10 SECONDS! SO, COME ON! CHANGE!!"

The whole room went fuzzy... I started to black out...

To be concluded...

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part 4

I wasn't aware of the fact that I did not arrive back home - I was paying more attention to the large man with his back turned. The white tunic, light blue cape and large, turnip-shaped head made him all too easy to identify.

There is a time for action and a time for reaction. A time to object and a time to interject. For this creature, it is never one of those times. He never interferes. He simply and only watches.

So they say...

We were standing in what appeared to be a massive control room of sorts, with a clear high-domed ceiling that offered an uncharacteristically busy view of outer space. we were on the Moon. He was preoccupied with a massive wall of monitor screens - each appearing to offer distinctive images he requested.

He was a cosmic couch potato without a couch.

"Are you...the ghost of Christmas future?," I asked.

He turned to face me. his eyes were pools of glowing, firey amber. He turned to face the screens and pointed at a group of images with a lone finger...images...of me...

There was I, a decade older, drunk bidding a small fortune on an Adam West bust - the fourth in my collection...

(  http://adamwestbust.com/  )  ;P

There I was, 11 years older, picking up a package from the post office - 50 issues of Jughead featuring Trula Twyst...

Was I there? - 12 years older, paying 200 dollars for Mark Hamill's autograph for a photo of him from ...Corvette Summer ?

There - 13 years older, selecting the 4th, not the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd copy of a new issue offered on the shelf at a comic shop.

Was That me? - 20 years older, watching someone select the 5th copy of a comic offered on the shelf, then walking over and resetting that stack...why am I bothering to do that?

I...think I'm working in a comic shop...

I...think I'm in charge of a store I own...a dead comic shop...

I...

"I...,"

" Yes, you, " the spirit spoke. He began to change. Transforming...becoming leaner, meaner, darker. The demure blue, yet quietly confident cape grew outward and expanded into bloody crimson red. The turnip-shaped head shrank into a narrow oval and the eyes outsized it - those firey amber pupil-less corneas glowing a bubbling, steamy green. Spiky studded chains and collars tore through the modest tunic - the long chains landing on the floor with a resounding clang that could wake the dead.

He became a darker shadow of his former self, literally and figuratively. If the former made a crow's nest among the stars, the latter was more likely to find a comfortable vantage point in a shadowy corner of a dank dead end nowhere - an alley, perhaps?

"You're the first spirit I've encountered with an identity crisis : a marvelous two-in-one. The 1st spirit wanted to stay relevant, the 2nd was an armchair spectator of the past, the 3rd wanted depth and recognition in the present day. What do you want?"

His voice was a low smouldering roar, his posture that of a sleeping giant finally awake. "I want to use my powers. I'm going to save my universe by destroying yours."

To be continued...

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part. 3

La, da, dee, da, da, da, da, daa - heaven must be missing an angel ... look what Santa left under the tree for me!

Lying on her stomach naked - with a long, long, wide red ribbon wrapped around the naughty bits - a tall, voluptuous, statuesque, red and gold highlight-haired goddess, with a perfect come over here stare, eyeing me up and down as I did likewise.

"There must be an angel playing with my heart."

She giggled. "You're sweet. But there's another song - 'Too Much of Heaven'. Do you know it?"

The voice did not go with the body - it was that of a haughty, insecure introvert, not an amazon extrovert - but it didn't turn me off. "Eiffel 65 - Europop. I used to have the album. What's your name?"

"Ghost of Christmas Present. I like to use code names, though. I'll be Number One and you can be ... Number 6. I had hoped you wouldn't mind if I unwrapped  a little early, but I kept the bow on. You can keep the wrapper." She tossed a piece of cloth to me and I caught it. It was a green and purple pleather one piece, with a "13" insignia stitched along the shoulders on both sides. I recognized her.

"My reputation and representation have been as good as stale egg nog for a long time, but I feel like trying again. Want to come with me?"

"You don't need to ask."

She smiled. "Great! Wrap me up."

She stood up and instructed me to grab layers and layers of ribbon that she had laid on top of and wrap them around her body until I could tie a large, comfortable bow across her bosom. The ribbon had blocked my view. When I finished, I found we had transported to another place - a busy comic shop.

She waved her arm across the crowd in the store. "Look at this crowd. They're here for a sale - all items in the shop up to 40% off. Do you know what this is?"

"Well, 40% off a four dollar comic book is -,"

"Is sad. These people don't come here every week. The stuff is not really in high demand, the supply is low to create demand, then the store has a sneaky sales gimmick to balance the profit."

"Comic shops always had sales - like 50-cent bins. Publishers always had gimmicks, like relaunches and re numberings."

She frowned. "50-cent comics - plus tax, muddled relaunches and numbers games...Look at that."

She pointed at a comic - Red Hood and The New Outlaws. "I can't believe people fussing over this lime-eyed Oompa Loompa and her teardrop-perfect -,"

"Spirit, why are we here?"

She snapped out of her funk, but her expression did not change. "If these shadows go unchanged, I see profitable drinking pubs where many comic shops once stood."

"But...that means...this medium will...die?"

The spirit seemed distracted by a particular comic on the shelf with the new books.

"Spirit? Number One? Cait -,"

"Look, a white sketch cover variant! There wasn't time for me to have one! But I can change that! I'll do a self-portrait! That'll keep me out of the half-dollar bins for sure! I've got the confidence now! No contrived rips or tears this time! Unwrap me and wish me luck!"

I did what she asked, and no sooner did her nude form fade out and appear on that blank cover...the whole setting began to go out of focus again.

"Good luck, Caitlin."


To be continued...

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Part 2

I heard a light tapping on my window. I saw a gloved hand creeping along the side of it, then a full figure slowly emerge as it leaned sideways, asking me to let him in. He was wearing a bright blue suit, with a matching fedora and a domino mask over his face.

I opened the window and he climbed in.

"Thank you," he said, and removed his hat to wipe the sweat off his bald head."I never feel too old for climbing. Anyway, The Man left your address on this matchbook  I scooped up."

"You're the Christmas spirit of the past?"

"Yeah, - The Christmas Spirit. How are you?"

"I'm fine. You look familiar. Have I seen you in the movies?"

He leaned forward. "You didn't see me in any movie."

"Fine. Where are we going?"

He walked to the window that had the fire escape. "Fire escapes are not my style. I prefer using my hands and feet and grabbing a hold to get where I'm going, but not when I'm a guest. We're going down - back to where it all started."

We climbed out the window and onto the fire escape, where the spirit led the way down to the ladder leading to the street. Just when it looked like we were about to climb off it, the spirit stopped me.

"Right here. This is the right spot to look in on the action."

What used to be a laundromat on the ground level had now become a store with a sign that read USED BOOKS. In that short walk I had been transported to another time and place.

I looked in on the action. a few people were lined at the register buying some old hardcovers and paperbacks. At a far corner, I could see two teenagers digging through some long boxes.

"This is the germ of the idea for the comic book store. Old copies of comic books were sold in used bookstores. This activity did not go unnoticed, as publishers were interested in new venues beyond newsstands."

"Wow! Tell me more."

"No. Less is more. Now follow me. Take this."

He instructed me to tie rope around my waist using carabiner rings as he did to his waist. We hopped off the fire escape and climbed the wall of the building two stories and stopped as comfortably as you could imagine on a window ledge. He pointed at a wide window. We were again transported to another place.

"Look. In twenty years time, comic shops are everywhere. This is the back room of one store. It's crammed with overstock."

"What happened? Nobody's buying comics?"

"They are - but not enough to match the number of copies being printed. The supply has outweighed the demand, and this store is about to be closed. Some of the stores facing this problem will survive, but only because their owners own the building."

"This is silly - you would think they would know not to buy too much of an item that's not in demand."

"Remember - comics were seen as an investment. Their ambitions and hasty decision-making was no different from yours - you all fashioned these memories yourselves."

"Wasn't there anything you could've done to change these events from happening?'

"Nah - I never faired too well in the shops. I fared better on the streets, in the papers. That bailiwick was my section."

He smiled at me and tipped his hat as he and everything around me fell out of focus...

To be continued...

A Comic Book Rehab Carol - Pt. 1

It was a very unseasonably warm night in December. I had turned my home into a counting house - for counting comics. I was tweeting about how my doorbell looked like an old man wearing sunglasses. I was just about to tweet a joke about stoking the fireplace with an unread stack of Gen 13's and DV8's when I heard a clatter of chains and an eerie draft entered the livingroom. The draft had the smell of browned comic book pages and Old Spice...an apparition faded into view...

"A proton pack! A proton pack! My kingdom for a proton pack!," I howled.

"Face front and at ease, true believer."

I realized who I was looking at, or who the apparition had taken the form of - Stan. Stan "The Man". He was covered with mildewed patches labeled, "Pow", "Stan Lee Media", "The Governator", "Ravage 2009", "Stripperella", "Just Imagine", "NFL Superpro", "The 7th Portal", "Lightspeed", and "Mosaic".

"Do you remember how I looked when I was young and looked like Bea Arthur's husband on Maude?"

"Yes, I do. You know, if you were to watch that show and Jon Pertwee's Doctor Who back-to-back, you wouldn't know the difference."

"Hmmph...Odin will get you for that one, effendi."

"You think I'm hindu?"

"It's just an expression."

"Oh, sorry. Go right ahead."

"Do you remember when I presided over the wedding of Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson at Shea Stadium and wished them a long and happy marriage?"

"Oh, yeah, sure - and when that marriage ended, you said that 'change is good' or something or other...who lives to keep track of quotes, anyway?"

"Silence!...Do you remember when I hosted Who Wants To Be A Superhero?"

"Yes,...all those poor, deluded, misguided fools..."

"That's enough! Listen - I'm here to warn you! You are doomed into wearing more patches than I! You may even end up as something much more horrendous - an Autopen!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"You will be visited tonight by three spirits. Listen to them, learn from them - or you may wind up trolling the halls of  next year's Comic Con in ill-fitting karate gi and claiming to be a Jedi Knight." 

"You can tear up my ticket right now."

"Oh, no, just wait...wait for them. Believe that, true believer. Believe that."

"Isn't there anything you could teach me?"

"Stay away from Brand Ecch. Excelsior!"

He faded away...

To be continued...